Meeting Deployment Milestones: A Survival Guide

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Source: By Kelli Kirwan for LIFELines

Meeting Deployment Milestones: A Survival Guide

Saying goodbye to the one person you most want to be with is difficult, often heartbreaking. Before that last goodbye, though, there is work to be done. Every couple should create a deployment survival plan to help them meet the deployment milestones ahead.

Preparation
Nancy Mainor, mobilization and deployment coordinator at the Army Community Service at Ft. Bliss, Texas, says that having a fluid survival plan in place before deployment is a great way to successfully meet deployment milestones. Set your goals, but be flexible. Before your spouse leaves, make sure you've taken the following steps.

Be aware of the emotional cycles couples go through during a deployment.
Make sure all your legal documents are in order.
Be clear on the finances and who is using which accounts.
Joe Pederson, the Family Life chaplain at Ft. Bliss, Texas, suggests couples evaluate their spiritual and physical health, which can be stressed during deployments. Assess your lifestyle and decide if it's healthy or needs some improvement. Poor nutrition, drug and alcohol abuse, or lack of exercise can make the challenges of deployment more difficult to face.

Both Mainor and Pederson recommend participating in any family deployment briefs your service might offer. Many have programs such as the Army's Operation Ready, which gives families tips on preparing for and successfully surviving deployments.

Goals, Plans, and Milestones
Mainor suggests that couples decide on goals they'd like to accomplish. Education and physical fitness, along with learning new hobbies or improving talents, are all ways to make time fly and enrich your personal growth (link to WC article 1031 Strengthening Your Marriage by Setting Personal Goals). Set a time schedule, but don't set it in stone. These goals are meant to encourage you and give you something to work toward, not to make the deployment more stressful.

Look for volunteer opportunities. "Getting involved often helps us keep our own lives in perspective," Mainor says, "and the rewards of helping others goes a long way towards our own mental health during a deployment." Pederson adds, "It's important to maintain friendships and avoid becoming isolated."

Halfway There
"No matter how long a deployment is, about halfway through, it can seem like it will last forever" comments Mainor. "Work a road trip fund into your budget and plan to take a trip at the halfway point. When you return home, you'll be re-energized and ready to tackle the remaining time." She also suggests re-evaluating your goals at the halfway mark and adjusting accordingly. What looked plausible three or six months ago, like dropping three clothing sizes or learning Italian, now might seem unrealistic.

The Home Stretch
Planning to say hello again is much more fun than saying goodbye. Take time to participate in reunion activities that will give you realistic expectations about the reunion, as well as ideas to help make it the special day you both have imagined. Reunions don't have to be elaborate or expensive. Set money aside during the deployment for a special dinner, but keep in mind that your spouse may want to just go home.

While deployments are not easy and can be full of ups and downs, taking time to set some milestones in the beginning will help you through the separation, and you might even discover new friends and talents along the way.